Do you get angry? Do you find yourself infuriated and lashing out? We all feel that way at times. Certain things set us off, and we react in anger. We can curtail the anger, however, and it's important to do that so we can maintain our relationships.

Here are five tips for communicating without getting angry:

1. Talk often. Don't let things fester; deal with stuff right away. It's easiest to do that when we're having regular conversations. My husband, Ryan, and I have (almost) nightly coffee hour which really facilitates consistent communication. Because we are talking to each other so often, we are usually able to resolve issues when they are still small instead of trying to tackle issues when they've piled up and snowballed.

2. Ask questions. Seek to understand the situation from the other person's point of view. Listen without interrupting. Instead of making statements or accusations, it's important to allow the other person to express his or her ideas, thoughts, and feelings. Ask open-ended questions to gain a more thorough understanding of the situation. Don't pass judgment or assume anything.

3. Kindly and respectfully share your viewpoint. Be honest but nice. Yelling is not okay. Be direct and say what you need to say, but be kind. If you bite the other person's head off, it will be very difficult for that person to resolve the issue with you. Speak to that person in the way you'd like to be spoken to. Make sure you share everything you need to share. Don't hold back, but be nice about it.

4. Be okay with not agreeing. You don't have to agree about everything. Compromise. Many people believe that a relationship is "okay" only if there are no disagreements. That is false. Ryan and I disagree often, and we're fine with that. Seeing something from another perspective is valuable. We don't need to debate something to the death. We just need to be able to move forward with understanding. Neither of us needs to "be right" or "win" the argument because we're on the same team. We appreciate each other's viewpoints.

5. Speak to the other person the same way you'd like to be spoken to. Be kind and respectful. I've said this throughout, but it's worth reiterating here. Screaming never helps a situation. Ever. Take time to cool off before speaking if you need to. Be humble, and use the golden rule.

We talk about this and other communication topics in our Speaking Society. Click here to join the community that accelerates your communication, connection, and confidence!

Are you using Facebook Live to grow your business? Are you getting the results you want?

If not, it's time.

Facebook Live is a great tool for growing your business. It helps you really connect with your followers. They're able to get to know you on a more personal level. That leads to that "know, like, and trust" factor that you need.

But Facebook Live can be daunting. Not everyone loves to be behind the camera. Maybe you aren't sure how to get started, or maybe you don't know what to talk about.

Maybe you aren't even sure how to get ready.

No problem. With a few simple steps, you'll be all ready to go Live. We share tips, best practices, and helpful resources over in our Speaking Society. Click here to join.

Somewhere along the way, busy-ness started being celebrated. Now we almost brag about how much we have to do and how we "don't have time" for anything else. It seems the more we have to do, the more successful we are. 

But what are we so busy doing?

Being busy working on projects we love or spending time with family might be energizing. If we're busy with activities that excite us and that we enjoy, those are the right activities to be busy with.

On the other hand, if activities are draining you or if you dread them, it's time to reconsider your schedule. It's time to prioritize. It's time to take control of your calendar because it may just be controlling you.

How do we do that?

1. Start with a blank calendar. Seriously, just totally start over. Make a conscious decision to only add items to the calendar that are absolute priorities. Give some thought to how many days each week you want as "free space" and don't schedule anything there. 

2. Prioritize your activities. Only add the "must-do" items to the calendar. If an activity isn't enjoyable or you feel obligated to do it, don't add it to the calendar. Some things will have to go, and that's okay. You'll thank yourself later.

3. Get good at saying "no." You'll need to say no to activities that you don't enjoy. You'll need to determine how many activities your kids can participate in. You'll need to decide which volunteer activities actually bring you joy and make a difference. Say "no" to everything else. 

It's your calendar. You are the master of it. Don't allow other people's priorities to fill your calendar. Rather, fill your calendar with your own priorities. You'll be glad you did.

When I was first dating Ryan, he was my whole world. I thought about him all day long. I would count down the minutes until our next date or phone call. We got engaged and later married, and he was my first priority. I wanted to spend all my time with him, do nice things for him, and make sure he felt important (because he was). He did the same for me.

Then we had kids.

I knew nothing about babies. As a teenager I hadn't done much babysitting for kids younger than 3, and I was pretty young when my own sister was born, so I really had no experience with newborns or babies. To say I was a mess when our first baby arrived would be quite an understatement. I had no clue what I was doing. I felt like a disaster and a failure.

When our baby was born, my OBGYN told us that when we came for our 6-week postpartum checkup he would ask if we had gone on a Date Night during that time. He told us that was our assignment. At some point in those first 6 weeks, we needed to go on a Date Night without the baby.

I laughed at him. I really did. Date Night had never been a problem for us. In fact, almost every night was Date Night before we had a baby! 

But the truth is we struggled to get that Date Night in before that 6-week checkup. Rather, I struggled to get that Date Night in. I didn't understand the importance of making sure my husband was getting my time. I didn't realize then that I needed to purposefully position him and our marriage as my #1 priority, even over our children.

I learned my lesson when we finally went on that Date Night. It felt so good to laugh together and focus on each other. It was a huge relief to get a break from a baby crying. We reconnected, and I remembered why I love being married to him. 

Since then, Date Night has been an important part of our marriage success. Yes, there are times that the children need us, and their needs at times must come first. Yes, there are times when too many days go by between Date Nights. But, getting time alone with each other, without children, is a vital part of our marriage. We make each other our #1 priority. We have five children now, and after they all leave home one day, we'll be left with just each other. I don't want to wake up after the kids are gone and realize I don't even know my husband. I want to prioritize him every day to keep our marriage strong.

I spoke about this topic on a podcast episode with Sunit Suchdev. I'd love for you to listen in as we discuss the importance of prioritizing your marriage over kids. Click here to tune in. It's Episode 3.

The daily grind and never-ending family activities can really take a toll on your marriage. Days and weeks can fly by in a blur of grocery shopping, house cleaning, work, and parental taxi service. Before you know it, you look over at that person you married and can't remember the last time you talked about anything that didn't involve responsibilities, obligations, or the family calendar.

Your marriage needs a break.

Taking a break together is absolutely essential to a strong, healthy marriage. You need regularly scheduled Date Nights, but you need an overnight (or better yet-- an entire weekend) getaway to take the break that you both need. You may think you don't have the time or money to take that kind of break, but you seriously can't afford not to take a break. Here's why:

1. You need to unwind. Getting away alone together gives you time to de-stress without the dirty dishes, TVs, and Facebook newsfeed calling your name. When you get away alone together, you can hear yourself think. You can focus on each other instead of work and bills. You can shut your brain off for a little while and recharge. You need to. You both do.

2. You need to talk without interruptions. Child chatter and ringing phones do not make perfect atmosphere for adult conversations. You and your spouse need to be able to finish a complete sentence without a child interrupting to have his butt wiped. You need to be able to have an entire conversation without looking at an electronic device. Taking a break together sets the stage for reconnecting and communicating effectively. Whether you need to discuss how to tackle a challenge you face or you just want to talk about ice cream flavors, taking a break together will provide the opportunity to do that without interruption.

3. You need to laugh and have fun together. It's hard to enjoy each other if all you ever do is work (career, house, and otherwise). You need to get out of your usual surroundings and be able to let loose a little. Having fun together reminds you why you fell in love in the first place and encourages you to make enjoyable new memories together. Laughter is good for your soul and for your health, so do a few activities that are fun for you both. 

Taking a break doesn't have to be a huge production or an expensive venture. Cash in your hotel points, utilize family and friends for babysitting, and take a couple days for yourself. Go hiking. Go camping. Visit a museum. Check out a new coffee shop. Whatever. Just get our of your normal routine, and leave your worries behind for a couple days. Just focus on each other. Have fun. Talk and laugh. Fall in love all over again.

Your marriage needs that break.

Most people assume they are good listeners. They probably don't give listening much thought at all. It just seems natural to listen, doesn't it?

Unfortunately, effective listening is rare. That's why there is so much miscommunication in the world. It's why incorrect assumptions are made. It causes fights, conflict, and anger. If you think you're a good listener, it's easy to tell if you're right.

If you do any of the following, you might not be listening as well as you could be:

1. You formulate your response while the other person is talking. It's impossible to truly listen to what is being said if you are doing that. You'll miss vital details, and you won't be in tune to the other person's verbal cues. If you find yourself thinking while someone else is talking, shift your focus to the speaker. Don't worry about what you'll say next. Simply listen. You'll have plenty of time to think and decide what to say when the other person is finished.

2. You interrupt. If you finish other people's sentences or jut in to share your own stories, you can't possibly be listening. Interrupting is frustrating to the other person, and that person will stop truly sharing. It sends the message that your ideas are more important. Instead, bite your tongue. Wait until the other person is totally finished speaking before you say anything. You will have plenty of time to share your thoughts when the other person is finished.

3. Your cell phone is your priority. For the love of God, put down that darn phone. Nothing shows disrespect quite like staring at a screen while someone is talking to you. Shut off the ringer, and refuse to look at it. Even checking a message or answering a text is a clear indicator that you are not truly listening to the other person. No one can multi-task like that, and it's rude anyway. Your phone can wait.

If any of those ring true for you, it's never to late to change your habits and hone your listening skills. Pay attention to it and make necessary changes. It's worth it because effective listening shows you care and ensures that you'll truly hear other people.

During the holiday season, there can be a lot of stress. We're overscheduled, our budgets are tight, and we're dreading that family visit that includes old Uncle Harold and his distasteful jokes. Despite all of that, we can come through this holiday season with stronger family relationships if we try. We just need to create opportunities to disengage from electronic devices and promote face-to-face conversations.

Stronger relationships won't "just happen." We have to work on them, and we have to be purposeful about it. Here are a few tips for doing that:

1. Plan a favorite family activity. Our family enjoys snowshoeing, card games, and game nights. None of those costs much, they don't require much planning, and they all provide opportunity to talk to each other. Some of our best memories have been made while snowshoeing when we're taking in beautiful views and laughing about something one of the kids said. Find an activity your family enjoys, and be sure to do that during this holiday season.

2. Try something new. Take a cooking class together. Try downhill skiing. Check out a museum you haven't visited before. While we love our familiar favorites, sometimes it's nice to try something we haven't done before. Doing that as a family provides an opportunity to work as a team, get vulnerable, and help each other be successful. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll make memories.

3. Volunteer together. Nothing builds a family bond like doing good work together. Whether you take a shift serving lunch at the homeless shelter or simply decide to shovel driveways in your neighborhood, you'll create a bond with your family while helping other people. Working together to make life easier for someone else forms a bond like nothing else.

4. Give Secret Santa gifts to each other. Sometimes we focus so much on what we're getting that we forget how giddy we can feel when we give. If that's the case this year, draw names and start a Secret Santa program in your family. Simply give each other tiny gifts for a few days in a row. Your family will bond while thoughtfully choosing gifts for each other, and when you reveal who the Santas are, you'll have lots of laughs and great discussion.

5. Deliver cookies to friends and sing Christmas carols on the way. For this one, you'll spend time together while baking and decorating the cookies, and you'll get time together in the car while you deliver them. Christmas carols add to the festive atmosphere, so turn them up loud and sing along. Having fun together as a family is a great way to build a bond. Don't feel pressure to make it perfect though. If buying cookies and singing along to Stone Temple Pilots is more your speed, do that.

These ideas should help you think of ways to spend time with your family while promoting stronger relationships. Choose an activity you all can enjoy, and utilize it to start having conversations. You'll laugh together and create memories for years to come.

I often wish my kids would behave more like adults, especially in public or at formal events. Let's face it: I want perfection. I really want them to display good table manners, say "please" and "thank you," make small talk with good eye contact, and refrain from doing anything that might embarrass me. I wish for the same during the holidays. There's nothing like a family dinner or holiday party to test even the most well-behaved child's behavior. I've learned over the years, though, that perfection is totally unrealistic and actually even overrated.

Parents may feel out of control during the holidays, but we aren't entirely powerless. Here are a few tips for surviving the holidays with kids:

1. Get enough sleep. Everyone gets cranky when tired, so be sure your children get enough sleep during the holiday season and especially before a big holiday event. Same for you. Enough said.

2. Be reasonable. Young children cannot be expected to behave perfectly for 8 hours straight. They also cannot keep a formal gown spotless for an entire day. They cannot sit perfectly still or put up with their annoying cousin for hours on end. Be sure to think through the reality of the situation and don't ask too much of your kids.

3. Prepare your children. Bring toys or activities to keep them busy during holiday gatherings. Make sure you have sufficient snacks. Discuss the plan with them so they know what to expect. Talk about the manners you want them to display. If there will be a guest present who is troublesome for your children, talk about how to handle it ahead of time. Give your kids an escape route if they sense trouble starting. Let them know they can come to you if there is a problem. It's a good idea to inform them how long they will be at the event, what foods will be available, and what your expectations are. Talk about it all so your children are well prepared.

4. Make corrections in private. You'll embarrass your children if you correct them in public, so if a correction is necessary do it in private. Your child will appreciate the respect, and a break from the activity is a good idea anyway. If a situation at a party gets completely out of hand, simply leave. Sometimes it's better to just cut your losses. You can discuss the behavior after everyone has calmed down.

5. Get over it. Nothing is perfect, including children and holidays. If an event ends up less than enjoyable, don't dwell on it. Simply learn from it and move on. You may be disappointed or embarrassed, but the important thing is to remind your children that you love them. Your family is so much more important than a single event or holiday.

The holiday season is full of fun and enjoyment, but it can be overwhelming and downright stressful at times for both parents and children. Plan well, and follow our tips, and your family will make it through this holiday season unscathed.

If you have a family-- at all-- you have experienced family dysfunction during the holidays at some point. We laugh about it when we watch movies like National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, but it isn't so funny when it happens in real life. Uncles, cousins, great-aunts, and in-laws can be sources of real tension during the holiday season.

Family dysfunction is inevitable. We don't get to choose our family members. Rather, we're thrown together in close quarters with folks who may be very different from us. Their values vary. Their politics vary. Their skills, interests, and opinions vary. All those variations can cause a whole lot of friction. The holidays can be a true test of our tolerance.

So, when the dysfunction rears its ugly head, how can you manage it? 

1. Look forward. Try to remember that this, too, shall pass. The holidays aren't a never-ending event (even if it feels that way!), so look to the future. Keep the end in view. There is a light at the end of the dysfunction tunnel. It's a lot easier to be kind and let things roll off your back when you remind yourself that in a few hours, or in a few days, you'll be back to your normal life. Don't dwell on the current situation; it will end soon.

2. Agree to disagree. Don't allow yourself to get sucked in to the muck. Arguing over politics, religion, or some other topic serves no good purpose. Stay out of those emotionally charged conversations. You don't have to prove that you're right, and you don't have to try to change other people's minds. It's okay to disagree (kindly). Simply move on. Walk away if you have to. 

3. Give grace. Your family members aren't perfect, and neither are you. They will screw up during family gatherings, and they will say stupid things. So will you. Instead of beating them over the head each time, dish out grace instead. Forgive, and move on. Be kind and respectful. Hopefully your family members will be as gracious toward you, but give them grace without expectation. Dysfunction can be diffused with a healthy dose of grace.

The holidays don't have to be the catalyst for family feuds. We can experience peace and fun during the holidays with family members if we purposefully manage the inevitable dysfunction. Strategize ahead of time, using the guidelines outlined in this article, and you'll be well on your way!

We all know them. They're those rare unusually happy people who seem to actually love the holidays. Nothing seems to bother them. They're whistling when the rest of us are grumbling. They're smiling when we're frowning. They bake cookies while the rest of us are just trying to survive. Family dysfunction, tight budgets, and awkward holiday parties just don't seem to ever affect them.

What's their secret?

Those folks who seem to actually love and enjoy the holidays have 3 habits in common. Knowing what those habits are can help the rest of us to enjoy the holidays more, too. We may never be as ridiculously happy as they are, but we can certainly take steps in the right direction. Here's what sets them apart:

1. They focus on the reason for the season. This doesn't mean they don't have problems and that everything is perfect. It isn't. But happy holiday people tend to remember there is a reason for the holiday season, and they focus on that. They don't allow themselves to get caught up in the muck of the season. Instead, they keep the true meaning of the holidays in the forefront of their minds and they remember their blessings. 

2. They plan. They plan their holiday budget well in advance. They decide what family members they will visit and put those visits on their calendars. They make lists of gifts to buy, and they do it early in the season. Planning out the holiday season takes some work but allows them to decide what is truly important so they can say no to everything else. They plan so they won't get over-scheduled and won't overspend. They know they can't do everything, so they plan what they can.

3. They develop and utilize effective communication skills. We all know that politics and religion are topics that can create tension at holiday functions. Beyond that, happy holiday people know how to resolve conflict, edify others, and speak kindly. They don't "stir the pot," ask uncomfortable questions, or criticize others. They've worked hard on their social and communication skills, and they use them during the holidays. They keep things positive and don't lose their emotional intelligence.

We can all become happier holiday people. We just need to keep the right things in perspective, plan well, and communicate effectively. If we begin now, we can ensure the happy holiday season that we envision.