I absolutely love Facebook Live. It's easy to use, portable, and doesn't require much equipment. It helps business owners like me connect with clients and potential clients from the comfort of home (or office). Achieving that "know, like, and trust" factor is easier with Facebook Live, too, because it gets a brand's real-live face and voice in front of people no matter where they live. I can go Live from my home office in Michigan and talk to people around the world. 

Earlier this year I created an entire digital course teaching how businesses can truly harness the power of Facebook Live to grow their connections and relationships with customers. I've gone Live regularly since Facebook Live first debuted (I used Periscope before that). I've used Facebook Live both on my Facebook business page and in my Facebook groups. I've used it for group coaching programs, being a guest expert in others' groups, and for trying out course material on a Live audience. I've used it to teach things, tell stories, share information, laugh with my audience, be goofy, and promote new services.

But I'm not doing a weekly Facebook Live show.

Weekly Facebook Live shows are set up much like television shows. They occur on a set day and time, consistently each week. They can be entertaining, educational, or a combination of the two. They're effective because an audience becomes accustomed to tuning in on the same day at the same time every week to see and hear the brand or person they're following.

Those who have the most successful Facebook Live shows have clear goals and themes for their shows. Their followers become quite loyal to the show, the brand, and the person hosting the show. The most successful one that I follow is The Scattered Sasha Show. It's hosted by Sasha Gray weekly on Tuesday nights. She also hosts a morning show on her page on almost every day of the week. Her followers adore her and love tuning in to hear her hilarious stories, sarcasm, and funny musings. They are so loyal they have grown her Facebook page to the tune of 250,000+ followers and have gone on to start Facebook groups called "Sasha's Tribe" which are organized by state. If you're interested in starting a weekly Facebook Live show, hers is the model to learn from. Her show is AMAZING, so if you need a reason to try doing your own weekly show, her success is it.

With that type of success, why wouldn't I do the same? Why wouldn't I do a weekly show?

Well, I did one. I did it for about nine weeks. I picked a day and time, I created a plan, and I gave it a go.

Unfortunately, I hated every single thing about doing it.

I love going Live. I love talking about communication topics. I love talking to my audience. My followers have become friends. Many of them are clients. I love laughing with them and teaching them what I know. I love helping them overcome the communication challenges they're facing, and it's easier with Facebook Live.

But I hated that weekly Facebook Live show.

I'm a homeschooling Mom of five fabulous children, and I work from home. Having a weekly Facebook Live show on my schedule made me cringe. It actually brought on copious amounts of dread and anxiety. I didn't enjoy it. I hated planning it. 

Here's why:

• I had it scheduled for Tuesdays at noon, but if I was in the middle of helping one of our children with particularly difficult schoolwork I had to stop the schoolwork to do the Live show. If we were on a roll with schoolwork, it felt wrong to come to a screeching halt to go do the show and think we'd somehow get back into schoolwork later.
• Sometimes I'd get to Tuesday morning and realize I still didn't really have great material to talk about or share. Sometimes I wouldn't have that until, say, Thursday. But the show was Tuesday at noon, so I was forced to find enough material to make sure I had that Tuesday show.
• I lost my spontaneity. What worked for me with Facebook Live was my love of "going Live" when the mood struck or when I became super excited to share something with my followers. Having a set day and time felt like drudgery for me, like I was chained to a calendar.
• Only certain people could view my show Live. I chose a day and time that worked best for me, but it automatically eliminated followers in varying time zones, work life, or who had prior obligations of some sort. The same people could watch each week, but the same others had to miss each week. 
• Life gets in the way. One Tuesday I woke up and had no voice. At all. My kids loved it (haha), but there was no way I could go Live that day unless my followers could read lips. So instead of just going Live on a different day, I had to post an explanation as to why I wasn't going Live on that day as scheduled. I despise not following through on a plan.
• I have five children, and I am taxi-driver for them. I can't always control when one of my children has an appointment, practice, rehearsal, or event. I hate not following through on a commitment, so if I had to cancel a scheduled Live to drive a child somewhere, I felt guilty. Why have a scheduled weekly show if it's better for me to go Live weekly in a more spontaneous manner?
• It just didn't feel right for me.

So I canned the scheduled weekly Facebook Live shows and went back to doing what works for me. I'm using Facebook Live in a way that I loved before and still love. I still go Live regularly, but it's never on the same day or at the same time. Some Lives are scheduled in advance, but many are not. I still plan my Facebook Live content for the month, but my days and times vary each week. I end up talking about topics that are important in that moment instead of forced. I end up with a variety of viewers each time, so I'm seeing more faces. The dread and anxiety is gone. I'm more of a spontaneous person, and this works for me so much better.

I have to do business my way, and you have to do it your way. What works for one may or may not work for another. All of us should try new things and new ways, but in the end we all need to do what works best for us. A weekly Facebook Live show on a specific day and time did not work for me, so I'm not doing it. A bit of spontaneity with Facebook Live is more my speed, and I love that. So I'm sticking with it. I'm being me.

You be you.

If you need help figuring out how to grow your business with Facebook Live and other public speaking formats, join our Speaking Society by clicking here.

To make the most out of your opportunity to appear as a guest on a podcast, you must prepare in advance for your interview. You need a bio, the right equipment, and enough practice to have a natural conversation with the host. You can learn more about preparing for a podcast here.

One important way to prepare for your interview is to craft a few talking points ahead of time. These are the phrases and statements most important to you that you want to make sure you say in some way during the course of the interview. They are the things you want the audience to take notice of and remember long after the podcast airs.

To craft your talking points, decide on about three things that are most important to you for the audience to remember. If they could only know three things about you or your business, what would they be?

Write those out, each one separately.

If you are having trouble thinking of what to write, answer these questions for ideas:

1. Why did you get started?

2. How did your business come about?

3. What is most important to you in business?

4. What results do you help your clients achieve?

5. Do you have a specific story of client success? If so, tell it.

After you have your three most important ideas written down, say them out loud like you are explaining them to a total stranger. Say them in a way that most makes sense and that flows naturally. Once you have them how you want them, write them down so you can reflect on them again before your podcast interview.

Those are your talking points. Those are the items you want to make sure you include during your interview at some point. When it seems natural to include those in your answer, do so.

Having talking points prepared in advance helps you know what to say, and they keep you on track. They also ensure that you are including in this interview the things that are most important to you and your business.

If you'd like help crafting your talking points for a podcast interview, click here to learn more about all the ways I can help.

Our daughter, Marin, recently needed a very minor oral surgery. It was so minor I'm not even sure it's actually considered surgery. It was more like a minor procedure, really.

But for an 8-year-old who hates needles, it seemed more like it would be the end of the world.

She knew three weeks ago that this procedure was scheduled. So, for three weeks she waited for the big day. She had three VERY long weeks to think about it and stew on it.

The actual procedure lasted a whopping 10 minutes. Not even kidding.

The three-week lead-up to those 10 minutes was WAY worse than the procedure itself.

Isn't life much like that?

When we know something will be painful or scary, we build it up in our minds. It grows until it's something larger than life and out of control. 

It's that way with surgical procedures, and it's that way with unresolved conflict, too.

Think about it-- when there is tension between you and someone else, time moves slowly. You repeat every moment of your last conversation over and over in your mind. You dwell on it.

It becomes all-consuming.

But when you take 10 minutes to resolve it, it's over. Done. 

And much like after a surgical procedure, healing can begin.

If you have unresolved conflict with someone, create a strategy to resolve it. Don't let the lead-up grow out of control. Take the bull by the horns and initiate the resolution.

It seriously might only take 10 minutes.

If you aren't sure where to start, begin with an apology. A sincere one. Whether you're totally at fault or not. 

From there, explain how you'd like to proceed. End with "I'd really like to resolve this with you."

Don't let the lead-up continue. End it as quickly as possible. It may only take a whopping 10 minutes.

In order to communicate effectively, you have to know your audience. You have to know their dreams, their fears, their needs, and many other things about them. You have to see them as individuals and get to know them. That's how you know what to say to them and how to say it. That's how you connect.

Our daughter's dentist is the master of this. He knows his audience and delivers a customer experience second to none. Watch this episode of Coffee and Connection to learn how he does it. You can learn a lot from a dentist! Watch here:

Not sure how to connect with your audience? I can help. Click here to see how.

Being a guest on a podcast can be an effective way to get visibility for your business and services. But you need to prepare so you put your best foot forward. There are a few simple steps to doing your best when being interviewed on a podcast.

1. Create a bio. 

2. Know who you're talking to. 

3. Request the interviewer's questions in advance. 

4. Craft your answers and talking points in advance. 

5. Practice responding out loud. 

6. Prepare your equipment and surroundings. 

I explain each step in greater detail in the following video. Be sure to watch so you'll be totally prepared for your podcast interview!

Are you preparing for a podcast interview? I'd love to help! Click here to work with me.

Ryan and I haven't always handled disagreements properly. We had a few ugly knock-down-drag-outs in the beginning of our marriage. One in particular was absolutely horrendous and ultimately lasted for a month. I detail it in this Live show I did on our Facebook page, and I also tell how we handle disagreements now. Watch here:

Disagreements in marriage can be healthy, and even a benefit, in your marriage. I talked about that in the show, and I explained how to make it happen. Be sure to watch, and then leave me a comment about how you and your spouse handle disagreements. I'd love to hear from you!

Some people just bring rain and dark clouds wherever they go. I call them joy-suckers. These are the people in life who have an opinion about everything (always negative), tell you why things can't be done, and generally suck the joy out of every endeavor.

For joy-suckers, there is a cloud for every silver lining. Every idea has a problem. Every situation has conflict. They squash dreams, they bring doubt, and they make us want to run in the opposite direction. Sprint, actually.

Do you know a joy-sucker?

Hopefully you aren't one. 

Dealing with joy-suckers can be difficult, especially when it's someone you care about. It's easy enough to dismiss trolls on our social media feeds, but it's tougher to deal with a joy-sucking family member, spouse, or friend. Knowing how to handle them can be a real challenge.

I talked about this topic on a LIVE Coffee and Connection show over on our Facebook page. If you missed this episode, you can watch it right now below. You'll learn exactly what a joy-sucker is, how to avoid becoming one, and ways to handle the joy-suckers in your life.

If you're a joy-sucker, or you know someone who is, take heart. Change can happen at any time as long as there is willingness to put in the work. 

We talk about this and other communication topics in our Speaking Society. Click here to join our community that accelerates your communication, connection, and confidence!

By Julie Ford

Communication chaos – it’s happened to us all.

Disconnected

You have an appointment with Jane. A conflict arises preventing this meeting at the original time. You reach out via phone and leave Jane a voicemail, “I need to change the time of our meeting.”

Jane never get the voicemail. Not that the voicemail fails to record, but because Jane just isn’t into listening to voicemails and answering a ringing phone isn’t her thing either. You find this out only after you and she don’t connect for your meeting and Jane texts, “It’s 10am – am I in the wrong place?” You apologize for the mix-up and reschedule the meeting via text, and follow up with an Outlook calendar invite.

The day before the new meeting, seeing that you have no reply to your invite, you try texting Jane to confirm the appointment. Crickets. Nothing, no response.

In desperation, you remember that you’ve once communicated via Facebook Messenger, so you try that.  “Are we still on for tomorrow at 10 a.m. at the Gathering Grounds, or would you rather meet at the Coffee Mill?”

This time, Jane responds, “Yep. 😊”

Umm?

Sea of Communication Modes

These days we can communicate in person, on the phone, via video chat, text, voicemail, snail mail, email, and social media IM. Even with this sea of choices quite literally at arms-length, instead of effectively and leisurely floating along, we’re drowning.

In his article, Communicating Across Differences, John Gilio notes that 75% of each workday is consumed with talking and listening and yet 70% of that communication fails. When communication fails at work, we lose customers, money, opportunities, and face.

When we don’t communicate well at home, we are running to grab chocolate chips at midnight, we contribute bake sale items a week late, we drop the ball entirely on attending our kid’s MVP ceremony, and we forget date night altogether. 

This assumes that we even get the chance to connect in the first place, unlike our “Jane” situation above. What gives? How can we turn this around so we can have more intentional and effective communication?

Back to the Sandbox

Somewhere between the invention of the answering machine and auto-correct, we forgot about why we communicate. We want at least a two-way connection, sometimes more. We have talkers and listeners. And after listening, most of us expect a response.

Seems simple, but with the giant sea of choice in how to accomplish what used to take a string and two cans, we need a refresh. Let’s talk about it, shall we?

Communicate About Communicating

Duh. Sounds too elementary, right? When was the last time you sat with a colleague, prospect, teacher, coach, or family member and actually asked them how they’d like to hear from you? Here are the not-so-secret but oh-so-magical steps to beating communication chaos:

1. Know your communication profile
2. Know the profile of the person on the other side of the can.
3. Practice flexible connection

1. Know Your Communication Profile

How do you prefer to communicate? What are your favorite modes given your work and life style? Does IM annoy you? Is your voicemail a pain? Is your email not connected to your mobile device causing disruptive delays to your response times?

Choose what works best for you, and where/when appropriate, ask to be communicated with in that form. However, be aware of which side of the communication your sitting (see step 3.)

2. Know the Profile of the Other Side

How do THEY like to communicate? When you’re communicating with others, it can be tempting to exert what I call communication arrogance.  You pick your preferred mode of communication, say, texting -  and if they can’t accommodate, they lose. The trouble with that is that you lose, too. You lose connection, opportunities, and often credibility.

He’s not a good communicator – he leaves me guessing.

She never gets back with me.

So how do you uncover someone else’s communication profile, especially if they’re a prospect or stranger? Here are three ways to try and I’d use them in this order.

Observe – It might be obvious. If someone contacts you out of the blue via email, mirror their action. Email them back. Easy. Is Grandpa all of a sudden tickled to be texting? Fab, then get those thumbs rockin and rollin! Are you getting responses from social media via IM, continue the conversation with that prospect there. Meet people where they are, and then check in from there. “Is this how you prefer to communicate?” Which leads me to the second (and most effective) way to learn a communication profile.

Ask – If you have the chance to contact them, like at a networking meeting, just ask using two modes of communication you most prefer, “how would you like me to follow up, via phone or email?” If you can’t ask the person with whom you’re communicating, ask someone who knows them better than you do. “Hey, does Sam prefer face to face meetings or could we get away with a video call?”

Assume – this is reserved for the totally blind contact or mass communication, like newsletters or announcements for a school fundraiser. Truly, don’t go here unless you’ve exhausted other options. Using the “norms” that go generation by generation can get you in trouble. I know 85-year-olds who love email and a 12-year-old who is over the moon about a posted letter in the real mailbox at the curb.

3. Practice Flexible Connection

Consider the connection you’re trying to create. Is it for business? If so, are you the client or the seller? Are you networking with a referral partner or colleague? Are you the mentor or mentee? Is this a family/friend connection? What do you hope to accomplish with the connection? Gain information from your child about an upcoming event? Set up a dinner date with friends? Are you the one asking for a favor or are you the one in need?

Your approach to communication will vary depending upon which side of the string you’re on and what your intentions are for the connection. If you’re the one asking for something (information, unpaid mentoring, a favor, referrals, business), you’ll want to make the transaction as simple and painless as possible.

If the collaboration is mutual, you have a bit more leeway to stick to your preferences. You can ask to meet half-way between your locations or via video rather than in person to honor your time.

If you’re the one providing the favor, paying for a service, or giving guidance to another person without expecting payment, you are holding the communication preference cards and can feel okay about choosing the time, place, mode and length of the connection.

Common Courtesy

It seems elementary, but we’ve lost a bit of common courtesy somewhere in the evolution of telephony. If you want to set yourself apart and keep your connections, it’s well worth spending a few extra minutes communicating about communicating with family, friends and colleagues.

If you’d like to work through your profile and go over tips to learn the profile of others, email me at Julie@julzoflife.com and we’ll set up a Cool the Chaos call (on me!) to get you reconnected!

Julie Ford is a certified life coach, speaker, trainer, and author of Creating Time and Energy. She helps moms and dads through parenting chaos. Individuals hire her to help them trade their "badges of busy" for intentionally full lives. Organizations hire her because they value the next generation and when things are running smoothly at home, amazing things can happen at work! With one-on-one and group coaching, she helps her clients to define what matters most in their lives, and to realize what is and isn’t working. Collaboratively, they move through a customized plan to implement habits that serve rather than sabotage their intentions. Her clients find more joy and less chaos in every stage one habit at a time. Connect with Julie on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn.

By Michael Moreno

It’s never the most comfortable situation to be speaking in front of people. Anything could happen and your nerves can get the best of you. It’s even more strange to be speaking to a camera, where there is literally NO feedback. There are ways to overcome this awkwardness and build a space for yourself to create much better videos that will be more conversational and much more engaging for your audience (and more fun for you)!

I’ve outlined a few tips below gathered from experience on stage and on camera as an actor in New York City. The important thing to remember is that EVERY performer gets nervous. EVERY ONE. Meryl Streep, John Hamm, and the President. With practice, and these tips, you can learn how to move beyond that and excitedly engage with your passion and share it with your loving audience. 

Prepare

Know your topic and practice what you have to say at least once through. This will give you a chance to know where you can look up and connect to your audience on an important point. Just like when you tell any story there is a beginning, middle, and end. If you know where the important points are you can make sure you connect with your audience in those moments so that they will really hear your most valuable information. 

Eye contact is one of the most intimate connections we make in our everyday life and the more you can connect directly with your viewing audience the more engaged they will be with your videos. It feels personal and like you're embracing them. 

Warm up your voice. It’s important to remember that even though you may have a mic, it can’t do everything for you. Take just a few minutes to blow through your lips, lightly massage your jaw muscles, hum while moving your tongue around the inside of your lips in a big circle, hum in a low tone and gradually move up the scale to a high tone, and finally do a couple of tongue twisters to get your whole mouth working. These tips will help your articulation and make your voice more resonant (or louder without having to push).

It’s also important to know where your mic will be. You only need to talk loud enough for the mic to pick you up, but you do have to talk loud enough. The common phrase on a film set is talk to the mic, not the actor. In other words make sure even your softer moments are loud enough to be heard by your mic whether it’s three inches or three feet away. You have total control of this set-up so you can create the best space for you and your style.

Commit

Sometimes we have the luxury of editing and that lets us make mistakes and do another take, but with the power of LIVE streaming video we don’t get to edit out the mistakes, so EMBRACE them! Don’t aim to be perfect; there’s no such thing. Your audience is there because they want to see you. They listen to your ideas expressed through your personality. Be confident in who you are and that we are all here to listen to you because we like you and love what you have to say. Know that there is support on the the other side of that lens, not judgment. This is you getting to do what you love. Commit to coming in with confidence and any mistake then becomes a real moment and a chance to engage with your audience (Oops! Well, we’re all human./This is what happens when you’re a busy parent./I’ll send you the update or link to the correct info in the comments. Thanks for understanding!)

Connect

It’s not natural to talk to a lens like it’s another person. There are a few tricks you can use to let yourself appear more personable on camera, though. 

• Relax. Take a moment before you start your video to take a few deep breaths, clear your mind, feel your shoulders relax, and tell yourself how happy this passion of yours makes you. Coming from a place of relaxed positivity will boost your energy naturally and will ABSOLUTELY come across on screen. 
• Imagine you are talking to your best friend! You have that friend or significant other that you can share anything with and be your most honest self. This is who is listening to you when you’re talking to the camera. They get all of your jokes, they love your smile and they are there listening close and smiling back at you the whole time. 
• Place the camera at or slightly above your eye level. This adjustment will help you keep your eyes as open as possible and is a much more flattering angle than shooting from below. NEVER shoot from below.
• Keep Breathing. Let a little voice stay with you that reminds you to relax and breathe while you give your talk. This will get better and better with practice, but the more you maintain your relaxation, the more confident you will be and the more engaged your audience will be too!

It’s always important to set yourself up for success, and the best way to do that is to NOT STRESS. No one is going to die if you make a mistake, miss a point, have some technical problems, or get nervous. This is your passion and it’s a beautiful thing that we live in a world where you can freely share that passion with others. Love what you do and share from a place of love. 

We're boycotting Valentine's Day.

Well, kind of.

When we were first dating, Ryan and I bought into all the typical Valentine's Day hooplah... we gave gifts, shelled out cash for overpriced mushy cards, and even made each other mixed tapes (yes, that ages us... I know).

Somewhere along the way, Valentine's Day became annoying to us. We didn't like being told that we HAVE to celebrate love on a certain day. Can't we just celebrate our love when we WANT to? What if the 15th is a better day than the 14th to go out to eat? Doesn't it mean more to celebrate our love spontaneously?

And what about people who don't have someone to celebrate the day with? Valentine's Day can be especially difficult.

So this year we've decided to boycott Valentine's Day. We're taking a stand. Call it a picket. Maybe even a riot (as long as it doesn't cause a mess in my house). Want to join us?

This Valentine's Day, let's do things a little differently.

Instead of store-bought cards, fattening candy, and wilting flowers, let's focus on what really matters:

Relationships.

Let's do what it takes to make our relationships strong, healthy, and productive.

How do we do that?

Start by telling the people who matter to you that they matter to you. Tell them you love them and want to build stronger relationships. This Valentine's Day, celebrate the day in a way that will last a lifetime: by building your relationships and making them stronger. Make a true difference.